Friday, August 03, 2007
A Couple of Fishin’ Buddies
I want to tell you a little story about a couple of fishin’ buddies, Rob and Dave. Dave is from Arkansas and Rob is from South Carolina. Dave just happens to be Rob’s stepfather, but that is just a coincidence. These two were destined to meet. Rob is a know-it-all and Dave…well Dave is from Arkansas. Dave drinks instant coffee and keeps an old percolator plugged in for the water to stay warm. I noticed one day that the dial on the bottom was turned to strong. When I inquired Dave told me it was because he liked his coffee strong. Go figure.
Dave and Rob heard about the fishing here on the north coast of Florida. They did what they could from the piers and bridges spread about the county but it wasn’t quite enough. Not when you could see the party boats returning to port with the limit of fish tied to the rails. A party boat is one where you pay your fee and go with whoever else is going. You get a spot on the rail and all the bait you can lose. You catch a few fish, just about what your fee would buy at one of the fish houses around.
Rob came up with the idea that they could buy a boat together. They both had pickups with trailer hitches. And that’s what these two did, bought a sixteen and a half foot boat and trailer. They drove around town pulling that boat behind each other’s truck for almost two weeks. Long enough for everyone to see they had a boat. I think the hitch rusted to Dave’s trailer ball once. They got stopped once because one of them was riding in the boat waving to anyone that would look. It’s against the law here in Florida to ride in a trailer, any kind of trailer. But the officer let them go with a warning.
Well, there was a big saltwater fishing tournament coming up, fifty dollars a boat with no more than four anglers per boats. They paid the entry fee. And that’s all they could talk of for the next two weeks. They were going to catch the biggest speckled trout; they were already spending the prize money.
Did I mention that Dave and Rob liked beer. One time they were off drinking together and they both got a DUI when they left the bar. They had to go for counseling and one of the questions they asked was, “Do you have any special time before you have a drink in a day?” Dave lied and told them he didn’t drink before one, but every now and then would have one with lunch. Rob told them, “Hell, if I want a beer I drink a beer, if it’s five in the morning or five in the afternoon.” Dave had to continue the counseling where Rob didn’t. I guess they figured Rob was a lost cause. But it stayed a bone in Dave’s craw for a long time.
Dave had a son who was hit broadside in a traffic accident. He had some head trauma and spent some time in a coma. All around he was okay except he walked with a walker and had speech problems. He liked to fish before the accident so they figured he would enjoy going with them.
On the day of tournament they had stayed up late the night before getting the boat and tackle ready and drinking beer. I think they passed out about two AM and didn’t get up in time to make the start time. But since they had all this bait they decided to go fishing anyway. They drove down to the bay where the ramp wasn’t too steep. They got Billy in the boat and into the special seat they built with a seat belt to keep him from being thrown about. They got the two coolers of beer in the boat, along with the rod and reels, the bucket of bait. Then they backed the boat down the ramp. And since they had some beer left that wouldn’t fit in the coolers they stood on both sides of the truck at the edge of the water discussing what they hoped to catch. Another angler showed up so they had a beer of two with him. The ramp wasn’t busy so they had time. After about the third or fourth beer they began to hear Billy calling, “Dad. Oh, Dad.” But Billy would do that tone of voice when he wanted something out of them they ignored him. Finally a guy drove up in a jeep and asked if they need some help getting the boy out of the water. They all turned. There was Billy, seat belted in, up to his chin in saltwater. The coolers were floating and he was trying to keep them near but it was a losing battle.
All this preparation they forgot to put the drain plug in the boat and brake lose the tie-downs at the back of the boat. It took the jeep to wench the truck and boat up as Dave gunned the engine. They had backed down just far enough to get the rear wheel in the slime and alge that grows on the boat ramp. But did they panic. Not Rob and Dave. The boat made it to the hill; they had bait, and were going to go fishing. The boat needed to drain. And they were at the marina. So our two heroes’s baited up, spread on some sunblock and proceeded to feed the fish. These two couldn’t catch a cold.
A couple of weeks later the boat was gone, alone with the rod and reels. Rob even went so far as to remove his trailer ball. Now I can go fishing in peace.
The Boy’s Go To The Doctor’s
Dave drove big rigs. Had driven them most of his adult life. He used it to get out of Arkansas, and except for a short two-year gig in the United States Army, it was how he stayed out of a little town outside Fort Smith and the rest of the state. It was how he met Rob’s mother; she was a waitress at a little truck stop off I-10 near Bonifay, Florida. They traveled the southeast for a few months and then she settled down in Panama City. She told him she had a son in South Carolina and the next time he was up that way to look him up. Dave not only looked him up but also got alone with him wonderfully and decided to bring him home to momma. Now what thirty five year old man would want to return home to momma? Rob.
On the trip back to Florida they found out they both liked beer, cars, trucks, and could tune an engine with a screwdriver, a beer and a cocked ear. During the twelve-hour ride, nine if they had taken the interstate, women weren’t brought into the conversation. They talked about miles per gallon, ’54 blue and white Ford’s vs. ’57 Chevy’s, and backroads around weight stations. They clicked. They could finish each other’s sentences; they became the father and son the other didn’t have. They became a team.
Dave came off the road and got a job working for a fuel carrier on day runs. Rob got a job in construction until he could get his CDL, commercial driver’s license. It would take him just over five years to finally get the book from the DMV to begin studying. In the end he never did take the test. But that didn’t stop him from helping Dave on the days his construction job got rained out. Or on days he just laid out.
It was on one of these trips that Dave told Rob he thought he had hemorrhoids. Maybe it was Rob who told Dave he thought Dave had a bad case of the ‘rhoids. They stopped at a conveince store on the beach and bought Dave a swim ring. It only lasted one trip what with the bouncing and all, but what the heck; they were only $2.99. Dave felt he could spare $2.99 a day for his butt to feel good on that hard seat. He told Rob he thought every driver in the state of Florida had set in that seat for a few minutes for it to be formed as well as it was. It reminded him of a dimple on a golf ball. Finally Dave couldn’t take it anymore and asked Rob to go to the doctor with him. Rob asked why didn’t he have Mom take him. Dave is a firm believer that menfolk stay with menfolk about certain things, and this was one of those things. Men didn’t tell women about their body problems. And if he would quit being a butthole and come with him to the doctor’s everything would be fine.
When they entered the doctor’s Dave was too embarrassed and made Rob tell the receptionist he was here. It wasn’t long before a nurse came to the door and called him back. Dave asked if Rob could come with him. The nurse looked at him kind funny but replied, “No. It’s best you come alone.” She had him disrobe and put on the paper gown. Which he put on backwards so he could hold the front closed. She made him put in on correctly and returned with an enema. Dave and her went ten rounds about having a woman do something like that to him but the nurse knocked him out with guile and reason. That and the fact that if she didn’t do it he could put his clothes on and they would call it a day.
Rob sat in the office pretending to read and reread the old magazines as he checked out the receptionist. She was enjoying the attention and would get up every few minutes for some senseless errand. They passed the time as Dave lay on a table squirming; wishing the doctor would hurry up. Rob sat in a chair that reminded him of the seat in the rig Dave drove. Both would have won if there had been a squirming contest. Rob watched the clock telling himself that if Dave wasn’t out in twelve more minutes he was going to see what was taking so long. He had been back there for almost an hour now. Twelve minutes and it would be an hour, time enough for the doctor to find any rhoids. They hung out didn’t they, he thought. He was squirming the last minute away when he heard loud voices and slamming doors. He looked at the receptionist, glancing back, to which she nodded yes. Rob rushed back in time to see the doctor step out of his office with a dirty looking lab coat held out at arm length. Turning in the first open exam room he saw Dave pulling up his pants. He had the same brown stuff running down his legs and in his socks.
“Dave, what the hell happened?” Rob asked.
Dave looked bewildered as he was pulling on his shirt, snapping the snaps closed crooked. “The nurse gave me an enema and told me to hold it. The doctor would be with me soon. I didn’t think I would make it but he showed up just in time.”
Rob said, “You did the best you could, Bubby. Let’s get out of here. There’s beer at the next corner.”
I want to tell you a little story about a couple of fishin’ buddies, Rob and Dave. Dave is from Arkansas and Rob is from South Carolina. Dave just happens to be Rob’s stepfather, but that is just a coincidence. These two were destined to meet. Rob is a know-it-all and Dave…well Dave is from Arkansas. Dave drinks instant coffee and keeps an old percolator plugged in for the water to stay warm. I noticed one day that the dial on the bottom was turned to strong. When I inquired Dave told me it was because he liked his coffee strong. Go figure.
Dave and Rob heard about the fishing here on the north coast of Florida. They did what they could from the piers and bridges spread about the county but it wasn’t quite enough. Not when you could see the party boats returning to port with the limit of fish tied to the rails. A party boat is one where you pay your fee and go with whoever else is going. You get a spot on the rail and all the bait you can lose. You catch a few fish, just about what your fee would buy at one of the fish houses around.
Rob came up with the idea that they could buy a boat together. They both had pickups with trailer hitches. And that’s what these two did, bought a sixteen and a half foot boat and trailer. They drove around town pulling that boat behind each other’s truck for almost two weeks. Long enough for everyone to see they had a boat. I think the hitch rusted to Dave’s trailer ball once. They got stopped once because one of them was riding in the boat waving to anyone that would look. It’s against the law here in Florida to ride in a trailer, any kind of trailer. But the officer let them go with a warning.
Well, there was a big saltwater fishing tournament coming up, fifty dollars a boat with no more than four anglers per boats. They paid the entry fee. And that’s all they could talk of for the next two weeks. They were going to catch the biggest speckled trout; they were already spending the prize money.
Did I mention that Dave and Rob liked beer. One time they were off drinking together and they both got a DUI when they left the bar. They had to go for counseling and one of the questions they asked was, “Do you have any special time before you have a drink in a day?” Dave lied and told them he didn’t drink before one, but every now and then would have one with lunch. Rob told them, “Hell, if I want a beer I drink a beer, if it’s five in the morning or five in the afternoon.” Dave had to continue the counseling where Rob didn’t. I guess they figured Rob was a lost cause. But it stayed a bone in Dave’s craw for a long time.
Dave had a son who was hit broadside in a traffic accident. He had some head trauma and spent some time in a coma. All around he was okay except he walked with a walker and had speech problems. He liked to fish before the accident so they figured he would enjoy going with them.
On the day of tournament they had stayed up late the night before getting the boat and tackle ready and drinking beer. I think they passed out about two AM and didn’t get up in time to make the start time. But since they had all this bait they decided to go fishing anyway. They drove down to the bay where the ramp wasn’t too steep. They got Billy in the boat and into the special seat they built with a seat belt to keep him from being thrown about. They got the two coolers of beer in the boat, along with the rod and reels, the bucket of bait. Then they backed the boat down the ramp. And since they had some beer left that wouldn’t fit in the coolers they stood on both sides of the truck at the edge of the water discussing what they hoped to catch. Another angler showed up so they had a beer of two with him. The ramp wasn’t busy so they had time. After about the third or fourth beer they began to hear Billy calling, “Dad. Oh, Dad.” But Billy would do that tone of voice when he wanted something out of them they ignored him. Finally a guy drove up in a jeep and asked if they need some help getting the boy out of the water. They all turned. There was Billy, seat belted in, up to his chin in saltwater. The coolers were floating and he was trying to keep them near but it was a losing battle.
All this preparation they forgot to put the drain plug in the boat and brake lose the tie-downs at the back of the boat. It took the jeep to wench the truck and boat up as Dave gunned the engine. They had backed down just far enough to get the rear wheel in the slime and alge that grows on the boat ramp. But did they panic. Not Rob and Dave. The boat made it to the hill; they had bait, and were going to go fishing. The boat needed to drain. And they were at the marina. So our two heroes’s baited up, spread on some sunblock and proceeded to feed the fish. These two couldn’t catch a cold.
A couple of weeks later the boat was gone, alone with the rod and reels. Rob even went so far as to remove his trailer ball. Now I can go fishing in peace.
The Boy’s Go To The Doctor’s
Dave drove big rigs. Had driven them most of his adult life. He used it to get out of Arkansas, and except for a short two-year gig in the United States Army, it was how he stayed out of a little town outside Fort Smith and the rest of the state. It was how he met Rob’s mother; she was a waitress at a little truck stop off I-10 near Bonifay, Florida. They traveled the southeast for a few months and then she settled down in Panama City. She told him she had a son in South Carolina and the next time he was up that way to look him up. Dave not only looked him up but also got alone with him wonderfully and decided to bring him home to momma. Now what thirty five year old man would want to return home to momma? Rob.
On the trip back to Florida they found out they both liked beer, cars, trucks, and could tune an engine with a screwdriver, a beer and a cocked ear. During the twelve-hour ride, nine if they had taken the interstate, women weren’t brought into the conversation. They talked about miles per gallon, ’54 blue and white Ford’s vs. ’57 Chevy’s, and backroads around weight stations. They clicked. They could finish each other’s sentences; they became the father and son the other didn’t have. They became a team.
Dave came off the road and got a job working for a fuel carrier on day runs. Rob got a job in construction until he could get his CDL, commercial driver’s license. It would take him just over five years to finally get the book from the DMV to begin studying. In the end he never did take the test. But that didn’t stop him from helping Dave on the days his construction job got rained out. Or on days he just laid out.
It was on one of these trips that Dave told Rob he thought he had hemorrhoids. Maybe it was Rob who told Dave he thought Dave had a bad case of the ‘rhoids. They stopped at a conveince store on the beach and bought Dave a swim ring. It only lasted one trip what with the bouncing and all, but what the heck; they were only $2.99. Dave felt he could spare $2.99 a day for his butt to feel good on that hard seat. He told Rob he thought every driver in the state of Florida had set in that seat for a few minutes for it to be formed as well as it was. It reminded him of a dimple on a golf ball. Finally Dave couldn’t take it anymore and asked Rob to go to the doctor with him. Rob asked why didn’t he have Mom take him. Dave is a firm believer that menfolk stay with menfolk about certain things, and this was one of those things. Men didn’t tell women about their body problems. And if he would quit being a butthole and come with him to the doctor’s everything would be fine.
When they entered the doctor’s Dave was too embarrassed and made Rob tell the receptionist he was here. It wasn’t long before a nurse came to the door and called him back. Dave asked if Rob could come with him. The nurse looked at him kind funny but replied, “No. It’s best you come alone.” She had him disrobe and put on the paper gown. Which he put on backwards so he could hold the front closed. She made him put in on correctly and returned with an enema. Dave and her went ten rounds about having a woman do something like that to him but the nurse knocked him out with guile and reason. That and the fact that if she didn’t do it he could put his clothes on and they would call it a day.
Rob sat in the office pretending to read and reread the old magazines as he checked out the receptionist. She was enjoying the attention and would get up every few minutes for some senseless errand. They passed the time as Dave lay on a table squirming; wishing the doctor would hurry up. Rob sat in a chair that reminded him of the seat in the rig Dave drove. Both would have won if there had been a squirming contest. Rob watched the clock telling himself that if Dave wasn’t out in twelve more minutes he was going to see what was taking so long. He had been back there for almost an hour now. Twelve minutes and it would be an hour, time enough for the doctor to find any rhoids. They hung out didn’t they, he thought. He was squirming the last minute away when he heard loud voices and slamming doors. He looked at the receptionist, glancing back, to which she nodded yes. Rob rushed back in time to see the doctor step out of his office with a dirty looking lab coat held out at arm length. Turning in the first open exam room he saw Dave pulling up his pants. He had the same brown stuff running down his legs and in his socks.
“Dave, what the hell happened?” Rob asked.
Dave looked bewildered as he was pulling on his shirt, snapping the snaps closed crooked. “The nurse gave me an enema and told me to hold it. The doctor would be with me soon. I didn’t think I would make it but he showed up just in time.”
Rob said, “You did the best you could, Bubby. Let’s get out of here. There’s beer at the next corner.”
